Twilight is not a vampire book; it’s gay porn.  That pained expression on Edward’s face isn’t a reflection of the inner turmoil he faces as he wonders if he should turn Bella.  The look on Edward’s face is disgust from having to kiss a girl when he’d rather kiss that preternaturally hairless werewolf boy on the mouth, or perhaps the penis.  Vampires don’t sparkle in the sun, they burst into flames leaving behind nothing but a charcoal briquette.

Enter Blood Oath.  I hesitate to pigeon-hole this into the vampire novel genre, as Nathaniel Cade is more BAMF than he is vampire.  I say BAMF like the sound of Nightcrawler teleporting around the Oval Office, reminding the Secret Service agents how fragile humans can be.  And Cade is also one Bad Ass Mother Fucker!  He has the true thirst of a vampire and the only pain he feels is a direct result of that.  That’s how vampires are supposed to be, where the need is so strong that they consider slaking their thirst with anything, even the blood of a dirty homeless guy in the park.  Thankfully, Cade is a “good” vampire and clings to his humanity while fulfilling his duties as The President’s Vampire.

Read this book.  Go now.  Do that.  Then, go buy the second book, The President’s Vampire, available 4/28/2011.  Christopher Farnsworth would appreciate that, and promises, “No Sparkly vampires, or your money back.”  Damn right.