Heels, Coat, 15 Minutes

by on March 29, 2010 at 3:11 pm
Posted In: Uncategorized

The first time I saw a prostitute, I had no idea. I was working at the hotel and some lady came in wearing a trench coat and high heels. She walked directly to the elevator. 15 minutes later, she walked out of the elevator and left the hotel. Here’s the logic, in case you ever need to write code for Grand Theft Auto:

If Time=Late
If Duration=Less than an hour
If Shoes=CFMP (Come Fuck Me Pumps)
If Clothes=Trench coat and stockings
If Interaction with hotel staff=0
If Frequency of Visits=Every so often
If “luggage”=Big baggy purse
Then Job=Hooker

Naked Guy

by on March 26, 2010 at 12:59 pm
Posted In: Uncategorized

So, there I was, working at the front desk, when I hear this voice grunting, “Hey” in a gravelly tone. It takes a few tries for him to get my attention. I peek around the corner and there is a guy in the lobby hiding behind a pillar…stark ass naked. He tells me he’s locked out of his room, and I wonder the entire time, how to hell did you wind up in the hall naked. Where the hell are your clothes? Naked in the room? That makes sense. What possessed this guy to go exploring au natural? I gave him a towel to cover himself and a key to his room. Pretty sure he was drunk. This tale became legend at the hotel. Weird shit happens in the middle of the night. Weird.

Hurghh

by on March 24, 2010 at 12:56 pm
Posted In: Uncategorized

Listen you nasty fuckers that do unholy and unspeakable things in hotel rooms, some poor bastard has to clean that up. More than once, that someone was me. If you need a plunger, that’s cool. Things happen. But don’t make the hotel staff plunge your foulness and have it splash on their shoes and into their faces. Clean up after yourself, you pigs. And what the hell did you put in your body? Gah!

Concessions

by on March 22, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Posted In: Uncategorized

The lady that was the front office manager was such a stickler! The actual rule was that you could have a beard, you just couldn’t grow a beard. There were a couple of times that I tried. My shift was 4 on/3 off and I can grow a pretty good base in three days. One time, I even tried to use makeup to darken it. Didn’t matter. Inevitably, I would run into this lady on my way home in the morning and she would glare at me. Next shift, I would get a note demanding I shave, or get a phone call. But, we all make concessions when we work for someone else, and even when we are the boss, we have other concessions imposed upon us. But beards? Give me a break. It’s not like I had to cook people’s food or anything. It didn’t matter anyway. I basically had permanent five o’clock shadow the entire time I worked there. I looked like Homer Simpson.

As far the job went, best gig for a college kid EVER. I showed up at 10 pm, did work for a few hours. Rolled the computers over to the next day at midnight and started the reports. From then until about 5 am or so was ME time and I got all my homework done. I would run home at 7 or so, sleep till noon and go to school. The only weird thing was sleeping in the daytime. It made social activities difficult. I also had to take classes late instead of early and that was a challenge as well. Remember the comics where I was sleeping in class? This is why.

J-O-B

by on March 19, 2010 at 12:42 pm
Posted In: Uncategorized

A couple of things about this. One, I was forever referred to as a lazy piece of shit by Diabla. What’s funny about that is that she was actually the lazy one. Two, I really did want to focus on my schoolwork. I was getting my first college degree in Spanish Secondary Education and I needed not only time for classes, but also time to go to schools and get that invaluable experience/references base I needed to land a job. The only job I could get that paid decently and didn’t conflict with school was as a Night Auditor at a hotel, a job I really enjoyed.