Bamatick

I did have a brain bowl team in college and we did call ourselves the Virtual Planetoids.  We did not win.  The only people who know this are the members of my team, the other team, and the emcee.  There was no audience.  There was no prize for the winner.

I have a gold medal from the Academic Decathlon.  I won it for an essay I wrote about ants on Mars or something.  I got a third place certificate for Fine Arts.  I got straight A’s in school from the 8th grade on, in Honors classes and AP classes (Spanish, Chemistry, US History).  No one recruited me with promises of a full ride scholarship, or any scholarship for that matter.  In fact, I got denied by the only University to which I applied.  I got loans to go to college, loans I will be paying off for decades yet to come.  I was a poor kid from the ghetto who should have grown up to be a drug dealer.  Meanwhile, I went to college with guys who got insanely amazing scholarships for playing football.  These were guys who, in high school, bullied me for being part of the Nerd Herd.  These same guys ditched school to go party.  They got to college and got tutors.  They don’t have to pay loans for the rest of their lives.  They got a free college degree.  They got to be on ESPN.  They had thousands of people cheering them on…for playing a damn game.  School is a place for learning, academics.  If you want to play a sport, join a club.  Pay for your hobby like everyone else.  Athletes do not deserve glory.  Athletes do not deserve scholarships.  They do not deserve to be on TV, or on the front page of the newspaper.   Don’t even get me started on coaches’ salaries.

My best friend’s brother is a university baseball coach.  I’ve been to some games.  I’ve met the players.  I’ve been on the field, in the dugouts, and helped their summer league.  Most of the players are really good kids, and some of them are very talented athletes.  My friend’s brother works very hard at his job and is a really good coach.  Every time I go out there, I tell them all how much I hate it and how none of them deserve anything.  They get paid to play a game.   I don’t get paid to play RockBand, or Monopoly.  That’s not right.  Do they get as much as the football team?  Heavens no!  Those guys REALLY don’t deserve it!

Until this world starts to recognize brain over brawn, there is a great iniquity and injustice that handicaps the human race from its potential.

…end rant….

…and back to the comic…

Fountainhead is a book by Ayn Rand, and also a COMPLETE life manual for my friend.  He refuses to read it for fear that he will know too much about his own destiny.

Surface Tension is a question I was asked once on a brain bowl.  I read it off the lips of my coach.  😉

UPDATE 9/10/2012
I went to school in Texas, where they love them some football. Getting called a fag because I hated junior high PE left a mark. Fuck those assholes. After that, each and every one of athletes in the universe got dumped in the same barrel. Please understand that my world view is basically, “Athletes are douche bags.” However, there are exceptions! Hanging out with my friend and his brother and team after team of college baseball players has really softened my views. I still don’t think combining athletics with academics is a good practice, but I will concede some things. Very few of the people in my (limited) baseball experience have been douche bags. In fact, if it weren’t for the whole baseball part, hanging out with them is quite enjoyable! My friend’s brother is a great guy, a great coach, and a man of severe integrity. If he asked for my help, I would gladly give it. Unless it was “Please attend every game and cheer.” I have limits. It’s the only sport I know that added Statistics to be cooler. Math.

Most of the track athletes over the years have been pretty cool. Basically as boring as NASCAR, but something about watching people run is exciting. Maybe it’s again based on my upbringing in the barrio where people ran because they were being chased…by men with guns…or vicious dogs…or crazy crack heads or…

So, I think to myself, do those baseball guys deserve free swag from Nike? Okay. Free subscriptions to ESPN? Perhaps. Free degrees in PE? Maybe. A degree in Spanish?! I don’t see the connection.

I started my college career as a Chemical Engineering major.  That ended after the first semester.  I placed into Calculus and took it from Dr. Methuselah.  I never once spoke up in class and was always completely lost.  My poor brain just wasn’t cut out for the subject.  I ended up getting a D.  A few semesters later, I got the bright idea to retake the class from the same professor.  I figured I had all the notes and tests, I had to do better, right?  Wrong.  I got an F.  This was a 5 credit class and it took YEARS to repair my GPA.  But, I became a Spanish major, so it really didn’t matter.

A decade later, I pursued a second Bachelor’s degree in Computer Information Systems.  Guess what class I had to take?  10 years after doing ANY math, I had to jump right back into Calculus.  I took it as a class over the TV, which I taped and watched at work.  I aced the class.  Calculus was my Everest and I bested it!

The joke here is that the Spanish word for Calculus is Cálculo.  Which, unless you speak Spanish still doesn’t make sense.  The Spanish word, “culo” means asshole.  Perhaps now, you see my delight.  I really hated that class.